Imagine yourself is going to have a terrific weekend! Would you rather go to the beach, hang out with a bunch of friends, throw a large party, and have fun? Or simply stay at home, sip a cup of coffee, watch some Netflix for the whole day?
Talk with Selena
What do you want from the relationship?
What kind of boyfriend do you need?
I asked those questions to my friend Selena, an ENTJ never thought about that. Selena took my advice about her ex and acknowledged my social intelligence.
I love Selena’s strong logical abilities while she appreciates my social skills.
My mom told me: “Only technical people are worthy – Did you make the incorrect conclusion?
No matter what you do, as long as you did a great job, you could get recognition.
You have to learn how to be mentally strong, so strong that you can handle criticism. What you need to learn is to be confident.”
I know what I want to do when I retire: counselor! And I finally find my dream career: life coach specialing in communication and personal development!
How did I come to this?
This morning, Selena told me that she made a list of reasons she decides to be with her ex and thanks me for giving for suggestions. She admits that she did not understand what her needs like I do.
Well, that occurs to me: I have a strong sense of self-awareness and am superb at interpersonal communication. I should believe myself and pursue this “unstable” career because it is where my passion lies. All the other decisions: major, internship, courses, etc become less important and are supplemental to my dream.
Could not be happier.
It’s my 100th day of weekly Inspire Challenge!
Before this challenge, I don’t have any memory of persistence in one thing.
When I was a child, I have always tried various things: keyboard, drum, calligraphy, dancing, chore… but never keep on doing them. Now in college, I changed majors three times, took multiple courses unrelated to my degree plan, and got involved in various organizations but quitted a semester later. When others work hard in their chosen majors and organizations, accumulated professional knowledge, and advance to higher positions step by step, I instead, committed to nothing.
The idiom 3-minute passion (三分钟热度 a brief period of enthusiasm Chinese saying) could not be more pertinent to describe me.
These days I’ve had dinner outside with my parents’ friends and met peers studying abroad. Interestingly, they are either business or engineering related majors and doing technical work. Tonight a marketing graduate from the UK who is working in the shopping mall marketing department shared a social marketing app and advised me a public relation career; an information system friend in Boston College who interned in Deloitte told me to slow down and wait for opportunities.
I love marketing. I love promoting ideas and people but not data or sales. Maybe I should go outside and ask more people.
These days without assignment, without class, without pressure, I feel I don’t have input to write. Maybe I should start to narrow down topics.
The idea is from the talk with Jenny. I shared her my insights about Ladybird – how the girl finally understands mom and make peace with herself. She suggests me to open a film blog and she will be my first reader.
Maybe I should combine psychology and media together…
My therapist told me I could become a counselor and encouraged me to enjoy my life. All other things I want to do – website, advertising, marketing, social media, writing – are just skills to elaborate my career.
However, the afternoon as I visited my middle school math teacher and told her about my dream career, she said I could not do that. I was too self-absorbed and impatient to listen to client’s problems.
“Well, it requires time and experience.” I said.
Don’t be harsh on a twenty-year-old girl. I am still young and of course inexperience, but it does not mean I could not become a good counselor. I have empathy, intuition, and communication skills.
Happy Birthday to me;) I’m now 21 – able to drink in U.S~
My mom cooked delicious meals and my dad bought a chocolate cake. As usual, I made a wish.
Unlike usual mom and dad safe and sound, I wish myself famous this year. During the past days visiting my friends and teachers, I released I had so much experience in college that makes me proud of. If I want to share and help others, I need to become famous and accept criticism first.
So this year, I want to take a break, reflect my past, and organize my accomplishments in this place.
You have no idea how much I have to offer.
On the way driving home, I told my mom how much things I have done in three years: social service organization, nonprofit internship, start-up internship, marketing association, monologue writing and performing, mental health workshop, interactive theatre, career organization, Chinese association… not to mention multiple academic projects.
However, she mentioned my big problem: downplay my career accomplishments and overplay my interests involvements.
I did not play the lead role in my marketing association and did not think those works are very important. Actually, I worked with professors, peers, and working professionals, brainstormed marketing campaigns, designed logos, and proposed unique strategies. Even though I was not the initiator, as a key member I also made great contributions and proved my abilities.
I watched Toy Story 3 again and cried hard.
When Andy’s mom walked into Andy’s room and saw all the stuff was packed and the room was empty, she kept silent for several seconds, sad and sentimental. Andy has grown up, ready for college and his own life. I suddenly thought about the scene hours ago my mom and I were saying goodbye in the airport.
“How can I raise up such pretty girl,” my mom smiled at me, “my forever little sweet pillow!”
Oh, I am gonna cry again. How I wish I could remain my parents’ kid! Being loved and cared forever;)
This Is Us S02E11
Amazing episode as USA Today says: “Kevin’s rehab triggers explosive family confrontation.”
Kevin, a young boy feel neglected by Mom who always loves Randal and Dad who always love Kate, seeks attention from outside and feels “not good enough.” When he as an adult expresses the feeling, he got tremendous anger and accusation from family members.
It’s not Kevin’s fault. Family members need to know that every person uses own perspective to look at the world. Kevin needs to adjust his misconception and others need to justify Kevin’s feeling. Three things I need to remind me:
- We really need to openly communicate our feelings. “I am very happy that you are here.” Asians often neglect expressing feelings and view those are weaknesses. That brings a lot of people into family conflicts and mental health problems.
- Each person has a different perspective. Instead of critizing others, we need to justify and try to correct others’ thoughts. It is best to use empathy and understanding to solve problems.
- I really have special sensitivities about emotions and love drama TV and movies. Watching others from the third perspectives helps me release my emotions. I really have a talent in psychology and counseling. A lot of Chinese people do techinical works because they don’t have my abilities. It is ok to be different. I need to focus on my advantages instead of following others.
Finally. The last day of 2017. On January 1 I was with my parents in California and now on December 31, in Suzhou. A good beginning and a good ending.
At a distance, my dad is playing cards on the computer in the dining hall; next, to me, my mom is taking pictures of our new member Qiuqiu and posting on social media; in front, New Year music gala is playing in TV.
I could not be happier and more grateful. Finally could say goodbye to 2017, my splendid but also my tearful year. Finally could say hello to 2018, a new year of experiences waiting for me to discover.
Happy New Year!!!! A fresh new start!
I spent the day with my grandparents and listening to their childhood stories. My mema is very good at cooking and sewing.
Could it be happier to spend time with family?
I feel I lost senses of creativity and sensitivity usually associated with my emotional turmoil.
What remains – peace and patience. Yesterday I first time intentionally visited my grandparents and sat with them for a long time. Today I first time waited for my cousins parking the car for 20 minutes and sang my least favorite Karaoke with them.
I feel nothing, and I feel everything. Nothing special about emotions but everything about life.
In the summer of my 4th grade, every afternoon after dinner I would wear my rollerskater shoes and play with my skating buddies in the park. We wore the shoes, chasing each other on the grass, around the lake, through the crowd… but at the south, I never did ice skating.
However, today as the economy grows, my little city finally opened the first ice rink in the mall. And I went with my friend together.
It was a different experience.
Life without VPN, without Google – play with Qiuqiu~
My mom is a fantastic female.
Never go to college and step outside the hometown, she is the one who encourages me to study abroad and see the larger world.
Never appreciated by her parents in the childhood, she develops confidence and wins friendship on her own.
Today my mom took me to visit another lady who opens a Forest School teaching city children to spend time in nature and develop emotional intelligence. The lady has a passion for Chinese education and wants to help Chinese children develop a happy childhood.
My mom uses her humility and friendliness to make friends with a lot of brilliant people. She uses her love and compassion to support me going further.
Staying at home these days, I keep thinking what is my future career goal.
And the Gallup Strength Finder tells me that I am a Woo:
Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running out of things to say. You don’t. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words; you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made, you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet, new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet.
The question remains: how to use overcome my analytical weakness and maximize my communicative advantages? Hope someone could help me…
I didn’t realize that the little Bourgeoisie style, that I am always looking for, could exist in “red-neck” Texas until I spent the Chrismas Eve in Dallas.
A little explanation. The Bourgeoisie is a group of unique population in China called Xiaozi – “a distinctly Chinese urban tribe that occupies a space somewhere between the yuppies and hipsters familiar to Westerners.”
And in Dallas, I first time saw so many small and well-decorated urban stores with great sensory experience such as Chrismas-theme markets or well-decorated exotic foreign restaurants.
Well, Those stores are very common in cities I traveled to – New York, Athens, Tyoko, Shanghai, etc. Especially in Tyoko, people pursue the art of experience and strives to balance living with beauty.
Anyways, now I love Texas much more than three years ago. I finally find a place I am willing to live:)
On the highway home, we wanted to find a place for lunch, but a lot of restaurants were closed. Finally, we stopped at a local gas store.
As I browsed the menu fried chicken, fried steak, fried catfish and saw the counter full of yellow, crispy, oily meat, a disgusting feeling was suddenly aroused.
Just don’t want to eat those junk food at all.
Last time eating with others, my boyfriend kept telling them how weird I am as a Chinese crazy about American and Mexican instead of Chinese food.
Well, the truth is, for one thing, I love food with rich nutrition. Sashimi, fruits, steamed vegetables, lean meat, egg… preferably fresh and organic…My mom’s idea that you should always eat healthily is deeply rooted in my mind; For another thing, for snacks, I love the chewy and sweet ones, like snack protein bar, bread, chocolate. Suzhou people love sweet food, and I love the chewy taste, which gives my mouth a fulfillment.
Chinese food is too oily and unhealthy in the U.S. I’m not picky about the food origins and American and Mexican food are everywhere. However, I hate American’s fried food – The oily taste made my sensitive stomach miserable whole day.
I began to read Gone with the Wind.
She knew how to smile so that her dimples leaped, how to walk pigeon-toed so that her wide hoop skirts swayed entrancingly, how to look up into a man’s face and then drop her eyes and bat the lids rapidly so that she seemed a-tremble with gentle emotion.
Oh my gosh, those words are so so so beautiful! I Words have so much power and I feel the beauty beneath them. You could feel they are dancing and dragging Scarlett O’Hara out of the book, dancing and entertaining the crowd with her best charm.
A little embarrassed to say, I feel such a strong connection with her – I was exactly the kind of girl in my childhood! Bold, flighty, impatient, self-absorbed, charming… If adults see me and say “Hey, Clear, sing a song！” I will smile with my deep dimples inherited from my mom and open with my sweetest voice…. I gain so many praises and so much vanity at the “stage.”
Finally at my home, sweet home. I fell asleep early because of the long flight but woke up early at 2 a.m because of the jet lag (Lunchtime in the U.S. haha).
My parents are asleep. Having nothing else to do, I re-explore my bedroom and found the postcards in my drawer. Those were from people at Postcrossing (an online platform that people send postcards to random people from the world).
A postcard is a snapshot, a simplified but condensed paper of a culture. Just looking at them, I found joy. People of different age, occupation, and identity share their stories with me, welcoming me to join their part of life and reminding how large and amazing the world is and could be.
Postcard reminds me, that I deeply fall in love with people and variety. I am a global person and want to travel all over the world to discover. I want to experience, explore, and express.
See my post.
I watched Loving Vincent and cried hardly at last.
A film with every frame painted by an artist, a film that praises Van Gogh, a film that discusses love and brotherhood, a film that honors art…
At last two letters from Van Gogh to his brother, the first why he decides to be an artist and the last why he decides to end his life, pushes the film to the climax. There is a struggle that he wants to share the beauty he sees but not add the burden to his brother, a struggle between ideality and reality.
Thank you for inviting me to understand Vincent, from the narratives of people who both contribute to his art and bring his death (Surprisingly saw my second favorite Saoirse Ronan in it!).
My mom’s friend let us take care of her one-year-old Teddy dog Qiuqiu for one month. And today is the first day with him.
- Waken up by his super loud barking at 4 a.m. by him to pee, and again at 6 a.m.
- Forced to take him outside at 6; he was happily jumping like a rabbit and excited about everything.
- Three times I tried to take him home for a nap but he ran away at the stairs
- Play ball with him but he was frightened to pick it up (because of the plastic bag next to it is making the squarky noise)
- In the late afternoon finally he ran out of energy but refused to sleep in his bed but on the ground next to me.
A little child is troublesome and needy but wins the love of all my family.
It is the December 28th, 2017, my 80th day of Inspiring Challenge.
Here are five takeaways/reflections about how I start the challenge and keep it through. I hope people who want to set a goal and stick on it, could benefit from my experience.
Today is Chrismas Eve~~
For an international student whose parents are in China, I cannot like most Americans have a family reunion; however, I do share the same Chrismas spirit, to be grateful and happy.
Wish you have a great holiday, with your loved and cherished ones:).
I saw another the most beautiful sunset of my entire life.
The sunset looks like an art from Impressionism in the 19th century. The sun in winter disappeared earlier and faster, leaving the pure and bold dark pink clouds blending with the darker blue sky and creating distinct and highly contrast brushes.
Apologize for my limited English language ability to describe the mixed enlightening and soothing feeling. I wish I took a picture and show you because that’s the happiest, and the only happy moment of the day.
On Zhihu(Chinese version of Quora), I found one question What is ENFP’s personality? And here is my answer:
I suddenly realized that how much talents I as an ENFP have. Growing up in the standardized Chinese education system, I could not find myself and fit in the surroundings in the middle and high school years.
How I wish someone could tell me, that my curious, creative, sensitive, emotional, strongly-opinionated, brave characters are unique, worthy, and deserved to exist. Then, I could start to contribute to the world and share my power earlier.
I am sitting in the library, waiting for my final, final exam.
It is near the end and most of the students have done their semester, so there were only a few “left-over” students, making the “the used to be the crowdest” ground floor looking so spacious.
Waiting to finish the semester, waiting to write 2017 reflection, waiting to start a new journey and embraces the opportunities.
I finally opened myself to my roommate about eating disorder.
Besides care, support, and sympathy, she, like other people always said that I should have someone to watch me. When I tried to explain the uselessness:
“Just give up the control,” She said something really insightful, “you are a patient; a patient’s job is to lie there and wait for someone to take care of you.”
Wait, for these years, the only thing I want to but can not is to get control of my life. I learn to stop binging, make friends, and show gratitude to myself, but always want to do alone, do myself.
Ultimately, I still want the control.
Let’s see, if that’s working. Let my roommate, my boyfriend, my parents to decide when I eat. Let people who I trust to help me.
Thoughts, lessons, important things to remember after therapy
I am authentic
Authentic to myself and others
I am inquisitive
Inquisitive about the world and willing to share
I am smart
Smart enough to communicate and connect
I am worthy
I am good enough
I watched Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
Not a super fan of Star War, I still got the essence of it: keep fighting and never losing hope. Marvel Superheros, the Statue of Liberty, ways of self-promotion… all things I experienced in this three years made me understand the idea of I CAN is deeply rooted in Americans’ minds.
Not used to eating with people older than me, I had a Chinese traditional dinner with two Geo Phds.
Here is the takeaway: Hanging out with NT/ST people personalities different from you are as interesting as with your NF friends.
They shared some funny stories about UT’s nerdy, witty, handsome professors in the Geo department. Those things I seldom talk with my cohort (we usually dive into some deep, serious level).
I just want to say, the analytical and logical ways of thinking bring different perspectives to your world. And in return, I share my feelings and discovery of the life to them, too.
Glad to step outside.
A little road trip to the German town in Texas – Fredericksburg!
A small town full of German immigrants at the old times. The town is so, so small that there is basically one main area with few souvenir shops, and the fire and police departments are in the center.
A lot of shops are closed (guess the tourists cannot sustain locals’ living). However, there are a design and art shop, just like the Metropolitan Museum of Art shop in New York.
At last, we went to a fancy restaurant located in the stylish furniture store and had a fresh Power Bowl lunch.
Trail of Lights
On a cold Sunday, I went to Austin’s Trail of Lights – UT Night.
What could be special just to see lights? My boyfriend was not interested at all, especially knowing we have to pay the $18 parking fee…
However, he changed his mind after seeing so many beautiful lights and decorations.
What I didn’t realize is that this is actually a family event. Families taking pictures of the light, couples sipping hot cocoa, children getting free Chrismas candies and illustrator books… Everyone is having fun and enjoying a good bonding night.
What about me?
I just stood there and observe people smiling and laughing. This country did a great job to keep holidays as community bonding and family gathering traditions. The love and support protect people from hatred, suffer, and sadness.
I love the night so much.
I am sitting on the bus to school. Plenty empty red seats are shining under the sun and lightening my mood for the day.
Perfect time to reflect the beautiful yesterday.
At the last Mental Health Class, Michelle provided cheese bagel and personalized gifts to thank for spending the semester together (later she shared her love language is service and really valued this year’s cohort)
“Clear, your work in VAV is fantastic…”
“Your presentation is differenet.. has a lot of critical thinking”
This is the place that I feel accepted and appreciated.
Sometimes I view depression and anxiety a powerful tool for personal growth. If I didn’t experience depression, I would not go the school’s Counseling and Mental Health Center; if I didn’t go to therapy, I would not have the courage to participate in Mental Health Monologue; if I didn’t sign up for Peer Educator interview, I would not have the chance to be there.
My problem helps me discover my unique strengths, and remind me to take care of missing life elements – gratitude and self-acceptance.
You will never be satisfied if you just keep moving on. Take a pause, notice the beautiful things around, and remind of your efforts that bring you here.
The gratitude will solidify your strengths and empower love to achieve higher, happier and better.
I received the Gratitude gift from Michelle. And now, I want to pass this Gratitude gift to you.
9:00 a.m. I am sitting in Honda store, waiting for the oil change, and writing reflections.
Thoughts come out more smoothly at the next day because my intuition runs so fast at that moment that my brain has a hard time catching on and solidifying them.
It’s the final week so I have nothing but to prepare the upcoming two finals. Last week I bought a Kindle book Gratitude and Trust: Six Affirmations That Will Change Your Life by Paul Williams and Tracey Jackson.
They offer me some insightful prompts to reflect and prepare for behavior changes. And I’d like to share with Y’all (My answer to those questions is variety and change):
What makes you unhappy?
What is missing from you?
What did you set our to accomplish that you have abandoned along the way?
I started to savor food – made a green smoothie, baked a large sweet potato, and cooked some spinach and meat.
I started to enjoy nature – At Austin’s autumn, clear blue sky and golden trees set each other beautifully.
A day binge-free, stress-free.
A normal way worth of appreciation.
I went to watch fantasy film with my friends! Wow when the movie ended, everyone was full of with tears and joy.
I want to share here(spoiler alert):
The minute that Héctor agreed to take Miguel to his “great great great great grandfather” Ernesto in return for putting Héctor’s picture back in real life, I got the intuition that 95% of chance that Héctor is Miguel’s actual great great great great great grandfather. Otherwise, the whole journey they spent with to inspire each other would be a complete waste of time.
And I am right. Piecing cues to know where the story will go ahead is one of my natural talents.
Have you ever heard about Gallup’s StrengthFinder?
Today Rowen shared her management class that professor divided people into different teams based on their different strengths, the talk which reminded me of my strengths tested during sophomore year.
I’m Woo| Futuristic|Empathy|Communication|Activator.
Rowen was surprised that my top 1 strength is Woo because Woo stands for winning others over. She thought Woo is the kind of aggressive and demanding person who wants to compete with others and win.
Well, as I later searched Google, the explanation was different.
You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport.
Some people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running out of things to say. You don’t. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words; you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection.
Once that connection is made, you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet, new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet — lots of them.
I do want to win, but not to win success but people’s appreciation and popularity. The idea behind Woo is to be likable, to entertain, to connect with others instantly and deeply. I am a natural communicator so let me take public speaking as an example. What makes me stands out is not my logical thinking and substantial knowledge but my lovely smiles and charismatic character.
At last, in China, when people said nice things about me, I would downplay compliments and replied back “No no no, I am not that good” or “I still have a lot to improve.” If someone appreciated me being Woo in the past, I would say “Well, Woo made me hard to develop close relationships.”
However, now in the U.S., if someone acknowledges me, I will say thank you and accept compliments. If you appreciate my Woo strength, I would say “I really like being Woo, discover people’s uniqueness, and have a large social network.”
I feel like my inspiring challenge is helping me develop a habit of self-acceptance and self-appreciation. Why do I have to do self-criticism to devastate confidence and chase for perfectionism in the old times?
Also, strengths and weaknesses together shape one’s uniqueness, just like light and dark complement each other. Both are worth celebrating, aren’t they?
What’s your StrengthFinder theme?
Today I only slept few hours to take the International Trade Final in the morning. Around 12 p.m., I got my test score back – lower than my first midterm.
Devastated, hopeless, angry.
After failing the first midterm, I studied and studied for the second midterm. After failing the second midterm, I prepared and prepared for the optional final. Completely useless! It has nothing to do how much extra time you prepare but whether you pay 200% attention and capture the tiny but “important” details which professor mentioned briefly during the class.
I have to learn to accept the fact. There are always some classes no matter how hard you try that you just cannot master.
The old version of me will continue to indulge in the sad mood and blame others. The new version of me, however, decide to let it go.
I appreciate the failure, which helps me understand my limits as an international student. I also appreciate my efforts of trying. I tried but things don’t work out. There are other more important things waiting for me to do.
I’d like to share an App called MoodTrack Diary.
Every time you log in, just rate your mood and enter the thoughts. The app will automatically create a timeline for you to review.
My psychology professor taught me an important lesson: Things you feel internally motivated, aka Intrinsic Motivation, are shaped by external environments at the first place.
When you pursue an activity for the pure enjoyment of it, you are doing so because you are intrinsically motivated. Your motivations for engaging in the behavior arise entirely from within rather than out of a desire to gain some type of external rewards such as prizes, money, or acclaim.
Of course, that isn’t to say that intrinsically motivated behaviors do not come with their own rewards. These rewards involve creating positive emotions within the individual.
Weird feelings actually… your behaviors and motivation could be reinforced and trained.
I kept my yoga mat in the closet outside of the classroom for weeks. Today I finally got the chance to attend the last yoga class, only finding the mat was stolen!
If I don’t have a yoga mat, I have to use the shorter Pilate plastic mat. Very uncomfortable and a little embarrassing to use…
The strange thought just came out nowhere. I know my conditioned mind was tricking me to leave.
Which is more important for you? The embarrassment or full body relaxation your every single muscle craves for?
So I stayed.
And it felt so good to realize my body tensions.
My psychology class asked this question:
In these turbulent times, we can all use uplifting! What gives your life purpose or meaning? What gives you a sense of fulfillment? What gets you out of bed in the morning or keeps you going when times are tough? Where or how do you find peace and comfort, joy and fun in your life?
And here is my answer…
The last midterm day before final, rainy, and cold. What a turbulent day to the life purpose question!
Let me first answer some simple questions. The things motivate me out of bed in the morning and forces away from bed at night are study and breakfast. For the study, I am always curious about the world and want to learn more. For food, breakfast is the only meal that has all my favorites – eggs, pancake, hash brown, fruits, coffee, sometimes Chinese cream bun, sometimes tuna salad…
Things make me find joy is films and theatre where I emphasize the characters with emotions as if I were them. It also gives me imaginative power. Same is theatre. In our interactive theatre performance, we would collect background settings from the audience, with seconds preparation and jump into different characters. I felt so happy and empowered when audience took deep breaths or made huge laughs as they emotionally connected with my performance.
Things I feel peace is doing yoga. The one hour of stretching the body is actually very painful; however, after the process, I could feel the connection with my body and full relaxation.
Things I will do when times are tough is journaling and positive self-talk. I love languages and words. Through my pen, I feel I am feeding my turbulent emotions and thoughts with comfort, love, and care.
Things I find fulfillment is public speaking. I enjoy standing on the stage with eyes focused and spreading messages I want to share.
Things I find self-worth is talking and giving advice to my friends. I like “probing” their uniqueness, telling them in a funny way, and watching their Girl you know me faces with appreciation and excitement.
My life purpose is to experience and then express, whether, through letter grade on the transcript, character portrayal on the stage, writing, speaking, sharing… Communication and creativity are the two most important elements. There is no a specific definition of life meaning and I am still exploring different things. However, I am very happy about that. I am happy I am always discovering and waiting to share my valuable thoughts with the world.
As a southerner in China, I did not have much experience with snow. Nor did I expect to see it in Austin, at such South of United States.
When I was driving home, suddenly it “rained,” with not the usual speed and noise, however. It was only when several white ice grains bouncing onto my window and making beautiful noises that I realized – it snowed!
Later it snowed heavily.
Just want to say here: the warmest feeling is to sit on my new-bought blue carpet inside with cozy music revolving and watch snowflakes silently floated on my window.
Peace and serenity.
It was such a blast day.
In the morning’s therapy session, my therapist asked me to look around the environment – outside the window, the sun shed light through leaves and a bird sat on the tree brushing its fur; she also asked me to talk with my inner frightened child – it is ok, it is safe. Don’t be afraid of the peace. I will protect you.
For such a long time I have not felt this peace with my inner self. The unfamiliar feeling was a little bewildering and terrifying. I felt my defensive thoughts – you should do something! It is not ok to show this way, you will get hurt, nobody loves you complaining – were standing around my wounded heart, ready to jumping out and protect it anytime.
But I followed the advice and took deep breathes, infusing fresh air into my body and supporting my wounded heart to be stronger and calmer.
Then what else happened?
I had warm Korean soup for lunch, spent the best noon with my future roommate, visited the half-price bookstore, got inspiring Gone with the Wind, watched the Justice League, had dinner with my boyfriend….
There were several times I had binged urges and negative thoughts again, but after taking care of my inner self in the morning, my inner part supports me to be more mindful and live in the moment.
I believe in myself. And I need to give more support and love to my inner self.
I’m so so grateful for having such a stress-free and binge-free day.
What’s the life without classes?
Could not be better.
I started to seriously record every tiny thing I feel grateful: a taco restaurant, beautiful sunset, a little nap, room cleaning… Those chores and normal living minors now become such adorable!
The more I pay attention, the more beautiful I discover;
The more I appreciate, the more positive thoughts infused into my brain;
The more peace my body is feeling, the fewer binge thoughts occur.
Today, I want to add one more element to my inspire challenge – to discover things and inspire my body and mind.
Because those things remind me that life is full of hope and beauty, and I should not let food take away from my fantastic every day.
6 pillars of self-esteem
1. Practice of living consciously – about living in the moment
2. Practice of self-acceptance – about judging self
3. Practice of self-responsibility – both good and bad part
4. Practice of self-assertiveness – true to own values, principles
5. Practice of living purposely – pursue the life goals
6. The practice of personal integrity – live up own expectation and keep promise to yourself
Walking on campus, I saw a young mother pushing the perambulator along the pavement. We caught eyes and smiled at each other.
The simple smile awakens my happiness and mindfulness through the day.
I enjoyed the autumn beautiful scenes on campus, eat a good lunch, ran more than 10 minutes, paid attention to class fully, and engaged in the theatre without extreme self-criticism.
I’m getting better, and I appreciate my improvement.
I deserve the appreciation. I am worthy of living.
We made our first I Like, Like You public performance for TD 301 undergraduate students!
The show I have to say was a blast. The room was fully occupied, the energy level was high, and audience members, most of them, were fully engaged.
Before the show, I was feeling a period of low energy and dropping mood – unsure about my first performance, later 10-page marketing plan paper due, and a less-than-10-hour IB midterm exam. Stress and anxiety overwhelmed me and I felt powerless.
However, the minute I started engaging and acting, all the feelings swept away. You could feel the audience’s engagement and how those scenes resonated with them. Asking a date place on campus, reading questions for our four characters, inviting them to jump into our play… So interactive and interesting!
Staying up the whole night, I was preparing for my 9:30 a.m. second International Business Trade midterm. I went through notes and extra materials again and again and rewatched whole lecture videos.
However, after I hanged out my scantron and reopened my notes to check the answers – at least five questions got wrong.
The question is simple. Just the facts. If you know them, without second thinking, you will get it right.
The sad fact is that to a non-native speaker, those concepts in the lecture slides, that Professor briefly mentioned in class, slipped off my ears so quickly that I could not remember at all. It’s basically taking foreign language comprehension tests – what did the teacher say at which class about which point!
I felt so frustrated. After the first midterm ending up a C, I did pay full attention in class, kept writing notes, and even devote my first staying-up night for a test for my whole 20 years. I study, study, simply trying to prove that I could be as good as native speakers. And I deserve even better than native speakers.
But there was just, something out of my limits and way beyond control.
In China, in the society which grades value the most, it is very common for young students who always remain top 5 to develop an over-achieving habit. They are taught with ideas that they are better and more successful than others; they deserve better than others. As a result, they will study as hell and become perfectionist so that they could push themselves maintain the top. Even though I’m not among top 5, teachers’ favorability, parents’ recognition, and overall study-determines-all growing environment still deeply affect me. Only when I jump out of the small world and continue to fail, that I realize that everyone has own limits, and grade is not the simple ingredient to define success.
But the frustrating feeling is still…. uh…
We made our second public performance!
At the end of the show, every audience member kept clapping hands and congratulates our success, our efforts to explore love, relationships, and emotions!
There were people taking pictures with us! Kind of like cerebrities~
I will forever remember the sense of accomplishment, the happiness feeling, the feeling that I portrayed a logical, studious, analytical Hat that cannot openly communicate with my partner… That I impromptu a scene showing my affections for Backpack – studying in PCL, kept writing notes about Backpack instead of writing studying materials…
Bex told me that I acted so well! There were a lot of laughs; Moriah told me she had to adjust her acting because of my energy…
The audience picked up neutral pronouns, used our tools in the discussion, loved the opportunities to provide the setting for our impromptu performance. Laughs, shush, eagerness, hesitation. You could feel the upside down energy and they were all along with us, thinking, reflecting~
I deserve the praise. I deserve the stage. I deserve it. Even though I am not good at facilitating discussions like others, I have my own strengths: to understand the character and bring life to the stage; to share insightful knowledge and create resonances; to discover beautiful things stand out when there is a need; to discover beautiful traits of people and stand out to speak them out. To create happiness by being charismatics.
I video chatted with my mom last night, with 14 hours time zone difference. She encouraged me to pursue my theatre passion and don’t worry about future careers right now. There is a potential education market in China that I could teach kids theatre and let them express themselves.
As we all know, Ivanka Trump’s daughter Isabella is fluent in Chinese at such a young age. I googled the New York language school she is taking classes in – over 30,000 dollars! Wealthy and well-educated parents are always willing to pay for kids’ future…
For me is a good news. There is a possibility that I could balance money and passion~