1126 Sunday

6 pillars of self-esteem

1. Practice of living consciously – about living in the moment

2. Practice of self-acceptance – about judging self

3. Practice of self-responsibility – both good and bad part

4. Practice of self-assertiveness – true to own values, principles

5. Practice of living purposely – pursue the life goals

6. The practice of personal integrity – live up own expectation and keep promise to yourself


1127 Monday

Moment

Walking on campus, I saw a young mother pushing the perambulator along the pavement. We caught eyes and smiled at each other.

The simple smile awakens my happiness and mindfulness through the day.

I enjoyed the autumn beautiful scenes on campus, eat a good lunch, ran more than 10 minutes, paid attention to class fully, and engaged in the theatre without extreme self-criticism.

I’m getting better, and I appreciate my improvement.

I deserve the appreciation. I am worthy of living.


1128 Tuesday

Performance

img_2549We made our first I Like, Like You public performance for TD 301 undergraduate students!

The show I have to say was a blast. The room was fully occupied, the energy level was high, and audience members, most of them, were fully engaged.

Before the show, I was feeling a period of low energy and dropping mood – unsure about my first performance, later 10-page marketing plan paper due, and a less-than-10-hour IB midterm exam. Stress and anxiety overwhelmed me and I felt powerless.

However, the minute I started engaging and acting, all the feelings swept away. You could feel the audience’s engagement and how those scenes resonated with them. Asking a date place on campus, reading questions for our four characters, inviting them to jump into our play… So interactive and interesting!


1129 Wednesday

Limit

Staying up the whole night, I was preparing for my 9:30 a.m. second International Business Trade midterm. I went through notes and extra materials again and again and rewatched whole lecture videos.

However, after I hanged out my scantron and reopened my notes to check the answers – at least five questions got wrong.

The question is simple. Just the facts. If you know them, without second thinking, you will get it right.

The sad fact is that to a non-native speaker, those concepts in the lecture slides, that Professor briefly mentioned in class, slipped off my ears so quickly that I could not remember at all. It’s basically taking foreign language comprehension tests – what did the teacher say at which class about which point!

I felt so frustrated. After the first midterm ending up a C, I did pay full attention in class, kept writing notes, and even devote my first staying-up night for a test for my whole 20 years. I study, study, simply trying to prove that I could be as good as native speakers. And I deserve even better than native speakers.

But there was just, something out of my limits and way beyond control.

In China, in the society which grades value the most, it is very common for young students who always remain top 5 to develop an over-achieving habit. They are taught with ideas that they are better and more successful than others; they deserve better than others. As a result, they will study as hell and become perfectionist so that they could push themselves maintain the top. Even though I’m not among top 5, teachers’ favorability, parents’ recognition, and overall study-determines-all growing environment still deeply affect me. Only when I jump out of the small world and continue to fail, that I realize that everyone has own limits, and grade is not the simple ingredient to define success.

But the frustrating feeling is still…. uh…


1130 Thursday

Worthy

We made our second public performance!

At the end of the show, every audience member kept clapping hands and congratulates our success, our efforts to explore love, relationships, and emotions!

There were people taking pictures with us! Kind of like cerebrities~

I will forever remember the sense of accomplishment, the happiness feeling, the feeling that I portrayed a logical, studious, analytical Hat that cannot openly communicate with my partner… That I impromptu a scene showing my affections for Backpack – studying in PCL, kept writing notes about Backpack instead of writing studying materials…

Bex told me that I acted so well! There were a lot of laughs; Moriah told me she had to adjust her acting because of my energy…

The audience picked up neutral pronouns, used our tools in the discussion, loved the opportunities to provide the setting for our impromptu performance. Laughs, shush, eagerness, hesitation. You could feel the upside down energy and they were all along with us, thinking, reflecting~

I deserve the praise. I deserve the stage. I deserve it. Even though I am not good at facilitating discussions like others, I have my own strengths: to understand the character and bring life to the stage; to share insightful knowledge and create resonances; to discover beautiful things stand out when there is a need; to discover beautiful traits of people and stand out to speak them out. To create happiness by being charismatics.

我现在在哭。现在这段写中文,是因为Clear。你要记住2017年11月30日的那个PAI4.42的晚上,你的表演你的能力得到了释放,你很快乐,你认可了你自己。你的美丽不是由你的身材你的肉决定的。记住这个快乐。


1201 Friday

Words

For


1202 Saturday

Support

I video chatted with my mom last night, with 14 hours time zone difference. She encouraged me to pursue my theatre passion and don’t worry about future careers right now. There is a potential education market in China that I could teach kids theatre and let them express themselves.

As we all know, Ivanka Trump’s daughter Isabella is fluent in Chinese at such a young age. I googled the New York language school she is taking classes in – over 30,000 dollars! Wealthy and well-educated parents are always willing to pay for kids’ future…

For me is a good news. There is a possibility that I could balance money and passion~

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Posted by:Clear

A 20-year-old ENFP looking for likely-minded people

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