After eating breakfast taco in Torchy’s (So important to mention this cuz I fall in love with tacos), I went to Alyssa’s apartment and prepared the Happiness project with Ananya, Nafisa, and her.
Alyssa’s place, oh my god, is so so so aesthetic and appealing. Every corner of her room, from the photo wall to plants at the window, from elaborate ceiling decoration to exotic rug on the floor, is so soothing and sacred. “My little spiritual place.” So did Alyssa says.
Anayna brought the most beautiful artistic minds to us. She bought artificial flowers, designed the board, and painted so elegantly. Nafisa kept caring and connecting four of us and brought the bonding to us. A future non-profit public relation specialist, two future doctors, and a future spiritual guidance counselor… we together got inspired by each other as well as knew each other better.
I told them – coming to America allows me to witness so many people with so many different identities. And from interacting with each other I learned to find the balance between individuality and community. It is ok to be different and welcoming to be unique. Being different is not being excluded. The society actually embraces you, the whole self.
My roommate, another feeling-oriented Chinese, shared with me at home about her thought that Our China, our Asian culture, hold strong social stigma and culture toward social comparison. People constantly compare with each other and struggle for being “the best.” Even though she is a health major and knows the meaningless social comparison, she still cannot help comparing with another Korean classmate with more life experience and financial stability.
Ah. My sensitivity stops me from being a clinical psychologist dealing with bad emotions every day but allows me to use my words and minds, to communicate the message at this place, and potentially in future to a large audience. If I didn’t come to U.S, if I didn’t have the kind heart, if I didn’t have such emotional intelligence, I wouldn’t achieve this grateful state at this short of time and probably was still…
After a long, long Monday, I went home and stuffed food into my stomach.
Five pieces of flatbread, one cup of cocoa, two cups of non-fact milk, three slices of carrot, a little bit blackberry, gummy…
I just want to be awake and feel full.
Another day of failure? or just simply a day out of control?
Recording thoughts right after I exercised.
Yesterday my theatre group ran through a half of our show to previous ILLY members as well as CMHC students.
It went perfectly well! They loved it so as my group.
However, my perfectionism thoughts came again and I had tried so hard to suppress them, not letting them get expressed and ruin all’s mood.
Then those thoughts followed by self-criticism: why you are so perfectionist and overachieving? And those negative emotions kept in my body until I exercised today…
I asked one psychologist today: how to balance two extreme worlds, one money-oriented business world, and one sensitive theatre and psychology world?
For one side of me, is a business major constantly analyzing data, finding patterns, pitching marketing plans, and coming up financial strategies to maximize revenue. For another side of me, is an artistic creature experiencing a full range of emotions, engage in impromptu theatre performances, talking about developmental and social psychology, and exploring the endless possibilities…
She watched me cry hard, with empathy and concern:
You have the power to ask the world to accommodate and accept the whole me.
Can I really do that?
Do Do Do
To forgive yourself
is to sheda skin that no longer fits
while honoring that fact
that one point
it was exactly
what you needed.
Countdown five days to go for Thanksgiving! I’m going to New York with my best girlfriend Jasmine! Everything will be fine and I just need a fresh break from study~ Gonna go to the Macy’s Parade, walk in the Central Park, visit the Statue of Liberty…
Always look for recommendations and suggestions! Hope I could come up some travel blogs about New York.
Something I noticed about therapist differences in U.S and in China. U.S therapists always check with clients’ feelings, while Chinese therapists often use cognitive ways in order to change people’s behaviors…
I love both ways.
Cognitive therapy works if clients lack insights about their behaviors… and empathy-oriented therapy works if clients understand their thoughts very well but neglect their emotional needs…
That reminds me this video.
You have to acknowledge your emotions, your depression, stress as a part of yourself. There are parts of you, and living with their purposes.
Allow their existences, and then treat them as your friend, fill with empathy, love, and care.
I am grateful that I went to Hopdoddy Burger restaurant again! They have a wonderful La Bandita for Vegans!
Watched LadyBird movie, engaged in future conversations with friends, rehearsed theatre performance. All in Austin.
I really feel Austin is becoming my second home. The Lone Star city in the Lone Star state of America, Austin keeps its weirdness and welcomes dynamism.
What makes Austin the best is the accommodating. (The Chinese saying is “jian rong bing bao” (兼容并包 – incorporating different elements into one unique identity) Artists, hipsters, entrepreneurs, educators, liberal politicians… you bring the whole self to this place, get nourished, and then bring new elements to your identity. Whatever your passions are: technology, education, fashion, music, food… you could always find it in Austin.
The only thing I feel regretful is lack of authentic Chinese food.