1105 Sunday

Redemption27

There is a sad shooting in Texas today.

I don’t know what to say. Nothing except pray until the truth comes out.

Please let the world have more empathy, love, forgiveness, hope.

Please.


1106 Monday

Grades28

Grades mean something.

I got my marketing grades back, way below average. In order to get an A-, I have to reach to 88 for my last marketing midterm.

I was so stressed during the day, considering how I did terribly on my last International Trade midterm. If I don’t start preparing in this two and three weeks, there is a great chance ending up with two B.

I only take classes important until I reach the edge of “failing.” Thinking back my junior and high school years, I always got a good grade followed by a poor one because of taking exams unseriously, and a poor grade followed by a good one because of devoting to enormous study.

The two poor grades warn me that I have wasted so much time and energy “contemplating” my life and creating emotional difficulties, instead of focusing on what I really need to do as a college student – learn my major materials.

However, grades also mean nothing.

For those time, I contribute to UT’s first deep theatre performance discussing love and relationships. We spend a semester create four unique characters and analyze love and conflicts. Sometimes it comes with joy as we try to jump into different character and make connections with each other; sometimes it comes with tear as we talk about what is love, availability, commitment, desires, needs, wants…

I didn’t get a grade to determine my efforts. However, I got so much: my interest in theatre, my talent in acting, my creativity, writing, empathy, intuition…

The more I got involved, the more I realize that I could not be defined as a normal person: work experience, leadership position, portfolio. The more I got involved, the more I realize the truth of life: holding your boundary and integrity but not losing touch with reality. Money and social status are still important, but now I understand the mechanisms driving me to achieve those: my expressive freedom and recognition.

Experience defines me, but I am not defined by experience.

TV is the one transforms life into fantasy; theatre, however, is the one brings life back to reality. Both of them requires the fuel – language and the platform – society.


1107 Tuesday

Sleep29

A cold day in Austin.

I feel those unsweeten soda is messing up with my body. After finishing HEb’s lime soda, I craved for sugar and finished another coffee, making me agitated for the whole night and alert at 11:30 p.m.

Can I sleep well tonight? 

Speaking of sleep, my psychology professor today shared us two sleep-less tips to prapare for exams:

1. Do 90-minute cycle. If you want to decrease sleep but still be alert, make sure divide time to every 90-min interval.

2. Cram and stay up one day prior and get good sleep at the night before the exam. It helps brain consolidate materials better.


1108 Wednesday

Gratitude30

We Shared Our gratitude journal project in Class.

Alec took photos of his favorite people; Andrea showed her big warming family; Jocelyn and Portia shared the same cute puppy; Taha told us his hospital story which further inspired him to be a doctor; Shalaka’s sky, Jenn’s plants…

Supportive family, friends, partners, pets, personal project, journal, favorite food, place, time… Some are artistic, some are scattered, some are concise…

We one by one, coming to the front, take over the stage, render our life through different forms with the same happiness, joy, love, and gratitude.

The more I listened to others’ stories, the more I realized how many things I have in life that I should and could be grateful.


1109 Thursday

Kindness31

Such a cold day.

My car’s low-pressure sign had been bothered me for a week. And I had to add air to the tire to prepare for tomorrow’s events.

However, I never had those experiences. How to check air pressure, how to add air manually or at the gas station, how to deal with sale people.

You will definitely laugh at me about this.

I went to an auto part store and bought the air gauge to test air pressure. After given a free air pump and taught how to pull those strings out, I still had no idea how to use it, stood outside for 10 minutes, pretended finished it, thanked the guy, and drove to gas station.

At the first gas station,  I got changes, spent more than 30 minutes with a broken pumper, wasted three dollars, asked two random people with no answers and thought I made it.

You have no idea how scared I was. A single 20 Asian girl in such cold weather, in a dangerous neighborhood, watched by a bunch of smoking homeless people, ALONE. The more I wanted to finish, the more anxious and stressed I was, the more clumsy I became.

There was a homeless old man (At first I thought he is not a homeless) come to me and reminded me of pumping both sides of tires. I thanked his kindness sincerely but left quickly to find the second gas station.

At the second one, I still didn’t figure it out! This one there’s no one around, no instruction. I thought this is another broken one, so left again.

At the third one, luckily, there were two Latinos, a young guy and a middle-aged woman speaking Spanish to each other, adding the air. They taught me how to use the pump and read the label.

To my surprise, the previous old man showed up again. He was surprised, and I was surprised (So embarrassed to tell him my failures) However, he gave me the greatest kindness at that time and helped me add air to all four of my tires, one by one, patient and warm.

“What do you do?” I asked

“I used to do these (add air, convenience store person). Now I am too old to work.” 

“I play music too. You should go to Youtube. I have two songs”

“Really?” I trust people easily and didn’t associate him with homeless at all.

At the end, I gave him a can of soda and some changes. And I feel so obliged to return his such big favor.

“Could you buy me a beer?” However, I haven’t got 21 so instead buy him a sandwich.

“I like tuna sandwich! Oh any sandwich!” His eyes suddenly got sparks

“They don’t allow me getting in.” As he followed me to the store.

 

Only now I realize he is homeless. Being in the store alone for 3 minutes, I thought a lot. Sometimes fear distances people away but kindness unites all.

I should be more wary of homeless people. And I did. They are dangerous, and ask money like “thieves.” However, those are also people with a heart to help, with love of the world. In such a cold day, I was grateful for that kindness and grateful for having those kindnesses remained in this fragile world.

At last, I bought two warm egg tacos and told him I want him to get some hot food.

“Thank you. Thank you. God will bless you!”

God bless me to keep my faith in the world and kindness to human beings. Please bless me remain pure and innocent.


1110 Friday

Alone32


See! I went to enjoy a single Friday night~

Brussels, Salmon, Beans, Tomato, Feta Cheese, Sausages….

Got my non-traditional interview, had Greek lunch, dropped by to see my working friend Amber, discovered a lovely cafe, and now went home waiting for another fantastic day!

I feel great.


1111 Saturday

Fulfillment33

Got second place in school’s American Marketing Association marketing case with lovely Rowen and Kim~

Visited newly opened Target store close to campus and got free tote bag~

Had Dim Sum, Chinese breakfast food for dinner~

Dropped by Sierra’s Greek-style house and wished her Happy Birthday~

There are no more things that I could feel happier than today.

The laugh, the creativity, the friendship, the weather…

The day in the name of fulfillment.

 

 

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Posted by:Clear

A 20-year-old ENFP looking for likely-minded people

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